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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2020 11:01:14 GMT 1
Wolverine's Gender Reassignment Surgery Unsuccessful Yet Again
linkCOLD LAKE, AB—The X-Men may need to finally update to a more inclusive title, now that one of their most popular (previously male) members identifies as a woman. “I’ve always known something was different about me, Bub,” the mutant explained while delicately applying nail polish to his long, metallic claws. “Ever since I could remember, I’ve felt like a woman trapped in adamantium trapped in a mutant trapped in a man’s body.” Unfortunately, the path to Wolverine’s new gender identity has been hairy, to say the least. After the most recent 17th attempt at trying to feminize the superhero’s physical appearance, surgeons have remained unsuccessful. “His mutant healing factor alone presents incredible challenges when it comes to removing certain physical attributes, or adding implants,” said lead surgeon, Dr. Lee D’Serjin, “but then there’s the impenetrable adamantium skeleton that just makes it impossible!” “I haven’t had a case this difficult since Wade Wilson claimed to identify as a ferret.”
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2020 0:19:32 GMT 1
Wolverine's Gender Reassignment Surgery Unsuccessful Yet Again
linkCOLD LAKE, AB—The X-Men may need to finally update to a more inclusive title, now that one of their most popular (previously male) members identifies as a woman. “I’ve always known something was different about me, Bub,” the mutant explained while delicately applying nail polish to his long, metallic claws. “Ever since I could remember, I’ve felt like a woman trapped in adamantium trapped in a mutant trapped in a man’s body.” Unfortunately, the path to Wolverine’s new gender identity has been hairy, to say the least. After the most recent 17th attempt at trying to feminize the superhero’s physical appearance, surgeons have remained unsuccessful. “His mutant healing factor alone presents incredible challenges when it comes to removing certain physical attributes, or adding implants,” said lead surgeon, Dr. Lee D’Serjin, “but then there’s the impenetrable adamantium skeleton that just makes it impossible!” “I haven’t had a case this difficult since Wade Wilson claimed to identify as a ferret.” News Update: Professor Xavier deletes own mind to forget about the preceding events.
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Jul 7, 2020 14:17:47 GMT 1
Kanye West Seizes Opportunity To Be Most Rational, Coherent Presidential Candidate
LOS ANGELES, CA—Noticing a lack of rational, coherent, sane presidential candidates, Kanye West announced this weekend that he will be running for president. The move surprised everyone who hasn't been paying attention to 2020 at all so far.
Campaign advisers recently approached West suggesting he run for president since there was a desperate need for a candidate who could string together something resembling a rational thought.
After thinking it over and talking with the Kardashians, West decided he would jump at the opportunity to be the only major candidate who uses words in their proper context and order as a normal human being would.
"I just noticed that there weren't any candidates running with important characteristics like sanity and coherency," said West. "We must build a VISION 2020 campaign that trusts GOD and brings the power of YEEZY to the people!"
"CHICK-FIL-A!"
To jumpstart his campaign, West is also offering a free Chick-fil-A #1 with a lemonade for those who pledge their votes to him, for a limited time only.
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