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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Sept 10, 2021 20:05:22 GMT 1
A not very well built 19th Century house has some leakage problems. Woo! Actually it’s more exciting than that, because the water is just an excuse to segue rather clunkily into dreadful things that happened in the past. It’s your usual stuff: man bricks wife in cellar; wife tries to gnaw her way out; wife dies, probably out of shock that her great ‘chew through walls’ plan failed; wife transforms into a pig-headed (and we’re not talking stubborn!) ghost-beast who feeds on children’s blood.
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Post by AQUA JAR!™ on Sept 14, 2021 17:06:52 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA CAT! on Sept 17, 2021 17:55:22 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Sept 23, 2021 14:44:47 GMT 1
The Cider House Rules would make for a great play, except that John Irving is a jerk. Damn and blast it, I’m always coming up with ideas that someone else came up with 20+ years ago.
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Post by AQUA JAR!™ on Sept 29, 2021 17:20:18 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA JAR!™ on Sept 29, 2021 17:37:22 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA JAR!™ on Sept 29, 2021 17:38:02 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Sept 29, 2021 18:40:55 GMT 1
The Unhinged Man
“A puzzle for you, Mr. Lord,” said Alice Liddel, the famed poetess.
The Puzzlers, that select and secretive organization, was having its monthly meeting.
Geoffrey Lord, the detective-story writer, sighed, put down his magazine, removed his spectacles, and polished them with a handkerchief. “Already?” he murmured.
“Already,” snapped Lee Shapiro, the attorney. “Another test of wits—that ‘every color on the canvas’ business was a giveaway.”
“It’s your turn to provide us with a puzzle next week,” Sidney Malkin, the stockbroker, explained.
Prof. Alan Tewksbury, the Classics professor at Columbia, was as taciturn and aloof as usual.
“Ready when you are,” Mr. Lord said cheerfully.
Shapiro started: “There’s an undercover detective investigating an international oil smuggling ring…”
“Sounds like a pulp story to me,” Geoff put in.
“Let me finish, Lord! The police find him a few days later, floating in the East River—“
“Doesn’t he know it’s polluted?”
“—dead, of course. Shot. Now, he’s got a note in his pocket—soaked, but the police are able to make it out. Obviously the killer neglected to go through the detective’s pockets.”
“Awfully obliging of him.”
Mr. Shapiro’s face looked a bit like a tomato, so Miss Liddel did him the favor of picking up the slack: “Please, Mr. Lord. There are five suspects for the identity of the murderer—five criminals—”
“Hitmen,” Shapiro snapped.
“I believe that’s the term,” said Miss Liddel, blushing. “Well, they’re the five criminals whom the smuggling ring usually uses: William Cardinal, Edgar Swann, Terence Crane, Norman Crowley, and Sam Ravenwood. Now, the note in the detective’s pocket has these five names on it and then follows it up with this: ‘I now know that the killer is the unhinged man.’
“That’s your question, then, Mr. Lord: which of these five is the ‘unhinged man’—the detective’s murderer?”
“First things first,” Mr. Lord murmured. “None of the suspects was—er—crazy, I suppose? Unhinged as the word is most often used?”
“Not any more than any other hitman” came the response (from Shapiro, if I’m not mistaken).
“And I suppose the detective was a wordsmith?”
“You can say that,” Malkin said, nodding.
“Hm. Well, you will permit me to write those volucrine names down, won’t you?”
“Volucrine, you said, Lord?” muttered Prof. Tewksbury, rising from his chair.
“Indeed, Professor—same trick you played with the names last time, except referring to birds rather than the alphabet. The solution has nothing to do with names—well, except for one name.”
“Ah,” said the Professor, who, seeming slightly annoyed, fell back in his seat.
“It helps,” said Mr. Lord cheerfully, after having written them down, “if you know the derivation of one word in particular. And that one word is…”
He stopped suddenly, all the cheer leaving his face. “I’m a fool. Damn! Yes,” he snapped, looking at a certain member of the Puzzlers, “you clever devil, you clever devil…”
To which member was Geoffrey Lord referring?
What was the word?
What was the solution?
How did Geoffrey Lord know?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2021 2:53:55 GMT 1
When wild ugly faces we carved in its skin, glaring out through the dark with a candle within!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2021 4:05:15 GMT 1
KNOG IT UP, MONKEY BOY!
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Post by AQUA CAT! on Oct 8, 2021 4:25:22 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Oct 13, 2021 4:24:02 GMT 1
Kick his ass! Kick his ass! Kick his ass! Who’s better than Wat Chun Lee? Whoopin’ everybody ass while he’s smokin’ a cigarette. [knock on the door] Oh, shit. Who’s knockin’ on my door this late? Whoever this is is distracting me from seeing Wat Chun Lee whoop some ass.
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Oct 15, 2021 20:20:01 GMT 1
Why does the government hate the Oxford comma?
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Post by AQUA CAT! on Oct 25, 2021 6:52:38 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Oct 25, 2021 19:41:02 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Nov 9, 2021 23:49:08 GMT 1
Atlas Shrugged 3: The Search for Curly’s Gold
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2021 3:46:09 GMT 1
You’ve got brains. Yes you have.
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Nov 16, 2021 4:51:56 GMT 1
“Your case is not at all hopeless … This, I own, is rather unpleasant, but very necessary — your nose being so unfortunately straight … A lot can be done in the way of encouraging a double chin … You see what an improvement the shaving of the hair makes — now I want you to use this lotion to prevent it growing again … This mask is to be strapped on tightly at night — I would suggest growing a beard and having a few front teeth extracted.” {Spoiler}
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Post by Tallahassee Ted on Nov 21, 2021 6:07:40 GMT 1
Only need a few of them chompers get you by ok. Mama only got three. Go git it!
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Nov 23, 2021 23:30:38 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA CAT! on Nov 24, 2021 2:41:47 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Nov 24, 2021 20:12:08 GMT 1
George Costanza sings Gershwin:
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Post by Hans Haferflöcken on Nov 25, 2021 2:40:31 GMT 1
Oof! I am a fool for the city, ja?
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Post by AQUA CAT! on Nov 25, 2021 4:23:02 GMT 1
"It would be most interesting to impress your memory engrams on a computer, Doctor. The resulting torrential flood of illogic would be most entertaining."
- Spock
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Post by Tallahassee Ted on Nov 28, 2021 1:25:11 GMT 1
I like them sweet pataters. Put some marshmallers in it! Right quick!
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Nov 29, 2021 20:45:35 GMT 1
He was Santa, who dresses as Santa because he doesn’t look like Santa and flies a Volkswagen after selling umbrellas for money. Santa sells umbrellas for money. But he has reindeer, we at least got that part right about him.
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Dec 1, 2021 4:33:03 GMT 1
“We accept.”
“To accept is to yield.”
“To yield is to allow oncoming traffic the right of way.”
“Your breath is like the breeze off a landfill.”
“Food particles are wedged between your teeth.”
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Dec 9, 2021 20:35:50 GMT 1
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time,” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2021 11:46:13 GMT 1
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Post by AQUA SALZ! on Dec 13, 2021 5:57:10 GMT 1
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